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Carl phoned me yet again. Carl calls me all the time. I hope someone takes Carl's phone away. He says "Welcome." One word followed by complete silence. With Carl a pattern has formed.

I bought a house in Carl's neighborhood a couple years ago. Everyone knows one another and Carl regards this intimacy, this happenstance nearness is reason to take control of telephone lines as if Carl is the friendliest Stalin in history.

Filling in the dead space I asking why he had called. Carl tells me to come over to his home so he could show me something. Subterfuge bounces off Carl like he's superman. I went to his home

His accommodations are almost as noisy as the man himself. For example: his lawn usually displays season-appropriate decorations. It's spring now and so what does he have in his yard? A large, decorative rabbit. Gaudy, swaying, it welcomes me as I head towards his porch. Carl swings open his front door before I can ring the doorbell. He has an ear-to-ear grin. He takes me by my elbow back out to the front lawn. Carl stares upward. I look up. We're both looking up. This should be interesting.

"See that?" No. "I put up a gutter cover." Fantastic. "It's awesome". He tells me the seamless gutter cover keeps garbage from clogging everything, which reduces the amount of cleaning service I have to provide." Surprisingly, Carl's ramblings were actually helpful.